Yesterday was fairly successful, I was able to get the fuel pump removed from the housing in the bottom of the tank (thanks for the info TC).
... but I still wasn't able to remove that one hose, even with the pump and top plate out so I could work on it and get a better grip on the fitting, so I removed it surgically.
Using the flush cut gate shears in the pic I very carefully cut away the tabs that were supposed to unlock the fitting. The gate shears cut through the plastic like butter and I was able to be very precise. After cutting the tabs out I used a large blade screwdriver to twist in the newly made slot and the fitting slid right off the nipple. I would much rather the hose come of like it was supposed to but it didn't look like that was going to happen with all the time I spent trying to get it off, so I improvised.
I found out yesterday that although the tank seal (O ring) seems stretched, it really isn't:
It is a compression fit down in the recessed ring, but the sloping sides of the ring make it difficult to set it... but it can be done. When I was buckling up for the night I was able to get the ring to set properly before installing the top plate.
If the Q didn't need a fuel pump before, it does now!
I ordered a new Denso pump and tank seal from parts geek last night. $150 for everything including shipping, not too bad.
When the pump comes in I'll take more pics of the installation and post them.